[Anyone approaching the kitchen can hear the scratching and skittering in the cabinets, the clattering of objects thrown to the floor, the somewhat maniacal giggling as something makes a mess of the area. Once you enter the room, you'll find various bags torn open and boxes torn to shreds, their contents spilled on the floor. The culprit is nowhere to be seen, but... you may get the vague sense that you're being watched.
The coffee maker stands pristine on the counter. Multiple cans of coffee are laid out in an orderly line beside it- all sorts of different brands, including an old and battered can of Wilkins Coffee ™.
You want to make coffee for yourself? Go right ahead, help yourself! Just know this-
You are not alone.]
(We Repeat, Endless Wilkins Coffee ™)
[Ah, fuck. Someone killed Slappy the dummy. This is the worst outcome.
Except it may be about to get worse, as this horrible little Muppet gremlin picks up the broken puppet, inspecting it curiously. He'll look up if someone approaches-]
Why, hoooowdy there, stranger! Looks like this fella's gone a little stiff! You know what his problem was?
[He smiles- serenely, and without even a hint of empathy in his horrible little eyes.]
He didn't drink enough Wilkins Coffee ™! And we all know what happens when people don't drink Wilkins ™! You start to lose your head!
[It all happens quickly. You may not even really register what happens at first. Wilkins slams the puppet corpse against the wall, and the force of the impact is enough to take Slappy's head off. Splinters go flying.
Wilkins drops the decapitated puppet and stares at the spinning, severed head. He seems pleased. After a moment, he stares up at you.]
Wilkins / Wilkins Coffee ™ Commercials
[Anyone approaching the kitchen can hear the scratching and skittering in the cabinets, the clattering of objects thrown to the floor, the somewhat maniacal giggling as something makes a mess of the area. Once you enter the room, you'll find various bags torn open and boxes torn to shreds, their contents spilled on the floor. The culprit is nowhere to be seen, but... you may get the vague sense that you're being watched.
The coffee maker stands pristine on the counter. Multiple cans of coffee are laid out in an orderly line beside it- all sorts of different brands, including an old and battered can of Wilkins Coffee ™.
You want to make coffee for yourself? Go right ahead, help yourself! Just know this-
You are not alone.]
(We Repeat, Endless Wilkins Coffee ™)
[Ah, fuck. Someone killed Slappy the dummy. This is the worst outcome.
Except it may be about to get worse, as this horrible little Muppet gremlin picks up the broken puppet, inspecting it curiously. He'll look up if someone approaches-]
Why, hoooowdy there, stranger! Looks like this fella's gone a little stiff! You know what his problem was?
[He smiles- serenely, and without even a hint of empathy in his horrible little eyes.]
He didn't drink enough Wilkins Coffee ™! And we all know what happens when people don't drink Wilkins ™! You start to lose your head!
[It all happens quickly. You may not even really register what happens at first. Wilkins slams the puppet corpse against the wall, and the force of the impact is enough to take Slappy's head off. Splinters go flying.
Wilkins drops the decapitated puppet and stares at the spinning, severed head. He seems pleased. After a moment, he stares up at you.]
Do you drink Wilkins ™?